Letter

Where do I begin? I guess I'll start with apologizing to you. I'm sorry for everything I'm about to say, not because it is false in any way, but because of the bluntness in the delivery. The majority of these frustrations, I've kept bottled up inside me for too long. Well, that phase is over. I'm done letting you hurt me. It's time for me to be completely open and honest with you about everything. So here it goes...

For starters, you are appallingly selfish and conceited. You have an abundance of loving people around you who care for you. And your family? They're amazing! Yet, you never have any time for them. You're always telling me you want to give them more of your attention. You tell me how important they are to you. But your actions never match up with your intentions. The only thing I ever hear coming from your mouth are words that never amount to anything.

You know what? Most people would love to be in your shoes and have what you have. But instead of calling your mom or dad on the phone or visiting with your relatives you haven't seen in years, you would rather play video games, rent a movie or spend hours on end playing on your phone? You should be ashamed of yourself!

You're unappreciative. You have a great job. You don't bring home a six-figure salary, but you also don't live paycheck to paycheck like the majority of people around you. You complain to me about the people you work with and how they don't carry their weight. You complain to me about having to work a few extra hours of overtime here and there because of coverage. You even complain to me about the commute back and forth to work. It seems like all you do is whine. Here's a thought... Why don't you shut your mouth and be thankful you have a job to go to, a car to drive and the ability to work. Some people out there have none of the three.

Geeze! To be so positive on the outside, you sure are consumed by negativity on the inside. Maybe you should listen to your own words and practice what you preach. You may have everyone else fooled with this fake, public persona you've created, but I know the real you that's living behind that mask. And he's not someone anyone would want to be.

Don't even get me started on your "bad luck". Why is it that you always have an excuse for every single thing? It's never your fault. It's always because of someone else or something else. You place the weight of your failures, your mistakes and your poor decisions on any open shelf you can find, as long as it's nowhere near you.

For once I would love to see you step up and take responsibility for your pitiful actions. It's honestly the least you could do for all the damage you've done over the years. But to do that, you would have to desire some type of change in your life.

Is experiencing change something you're even capable of? I'm not talking about tackling the minor tasks that's been asked of you, for years, such as cleaning up after yourself or taking more pride in your work. Heaven knows for you to do something that simple, would be asking for too much of a miracle.

No, I'm talking about real change: patience, maturity, commitment, stability, faithfulness, loyalty, dependability and all those characteristics you just can't seem to wrap your mind around. It really shouldn't be that hard to grasp. How long have we been together now? Have you reached the point where you just don't care anymore?

Maybe I'm being too hard on you. Maybe my expectations are too high. I ponder thoughts like these constantly trying to figure you out. In the end I still find myself empty handed.

I should've been up front with you a long time ago. That's my bad. And I could go on and on about how you've let me down... all the pain you've caused me... and all the lies you've told, but truthfully, I'm exhausted. I just don't have it in me tonight. Plus when it comes to you, I know it goes in one ear and out the other.

I just wanted to write you this letter so you could see the damage you've done; hoping something inside you brings back the person I once knew... I once loved. Cause believe me, I deserve better than this.

I thought that maybe if I jotted down all of my feelings and read them aloud, something would change and somehow it would help. But sadly, I feel nothing, no difference at all. Even after writing this entire letter to someone I thought I knew...

Myself.